Mystery of the WMD

[Fer]

This is an improvisational fan fiction! Anyone who wants to add to the storyline can do so in a reply. Basically it's a continuation of the Modern Day FEthread over in General.

The scene is modern day America. Kerry is attempting to usurp Bush's hold over the American public. But Bush has other plans for him...

Basically it's presented in a format as if you were playing the game and all the dialogue and action is taking place in the posts. The only thing we ask is that you do not go on any wild tangents or that you make an incredibly stupid addition to the story. Here's what's been done of Chapter 1 so far.

Originally posted by Shoen:
At the White House:

Random Knight: Sir, we have reports that John Kerry is the democratic canidate.
George W. Bush: Dang! Not only do I have to fight this jerk, I'm forced to tell people that I screwed up! This is awful...
Random Knight: ...You mean Saddam isn't a part of the terroists.
George W. Bush: Rice!
*Assassin appears*
Condelliza Rice: ...
George W. Bush: Kill this man.
Random Knight: ...bu...
*Knight is killed*
George W. Bush: Kerry shall not live!

On the campaign road:

Kerry: I'm glad you finally dropped out of the race to become my loyal knight, Howard.
Howard Dean: I was better suited as an Abel anyways.
Kerry: A what?
Harrison Ford: An Abel. And I am Kain.
Kerry: What the he... whatever. Studdard, what are our chance to retake the White House Throne.
Ruben Studdard: Slim, but possible.
Jack Nicholson: There are random bandits-that-could-not-have-come-from-Bush-cough-cough on the move!
What?! Let's get ready for this!

OPB Fer:
Defeat enemy: 10

OPB Shoen:
Recruit: Richard Clark

(Recruiting)

Kerry: You're Richard Clark!
Clark: I decided to become an Archer after I went on the talk shows. Most of them are working for Bush, the rest are Bandits, Pirates, and Mercenaries.
Kerry: Wha?!
Clark: Do you need help?
Kerry: Of course!

OPB Fer:
Kerry is your Lord.

Kerry: Take out that 'bandit', Ford!
*Harrison Ford uses Indiana Jones-style moves and whips the bandit out of commition.*

OPB Shoen:
SUPPORT!

Kerry and Dean Level C

Dean: Sir, are you alright?
Kerry: Gah! Its Dean! Attack!
Dean: I've dropped out of the race...
Kerry: Oh yes, I forgot, sorry.
Dean: You've got be careful, sheesh...
Kerry: Wait!
Dean: What?
Kerry: There's something you want to say!
Dean: Yes, well... Maybe next time.(Walks off)
Kerry: Dean! Dang, he got away...

OPB Fer:
Nicholson: Kerry! Sir! There's someone coming down from the mountain!
Kerry: It's... Martha Stewart!
Clark: I though she was in jail!
Studdard: She must have broken out!
Kerry: Let's get her already! I've already had to cancel 14 of my speeches about how Bush is a dick!

Let the madness commence!

[ucantseeme]

Holy Crap. That is hilarious.

[Shoen]

ucantseeme said:

Holy Crap. That is hilarious.

*Bows*

And I thought it died!

Okay, ...eeeerrrhhhh.... Boss!

Boss: Wolf Blitzer

(Kerry VS. Blitzer)

Blitzer: Can I get an interview?

Kerry: From a freakin Brigand?!

Blitzer: Oh yes, I forgot to kill you...

(VS. Anyone else)

Blitzer: Think you famous people can defeat me?!

(Defeat)

Blitzer: The... most... trusted... name... in... ne-

(Afterwards)

Kerry: Finally, we defeated the bandits-who-could-have-not-of-been-bandits!

Jack Nicholson: Have you noticed we have talked like that sometimes?

Rubben: Like what?

Nicholson: Like-in-this-manner.

Ford: Whatever Jeigan.

Nicholson: Who the h*** is that?

Dean: An incredibly sucky Paladin.

Nicholson: Oh, you mean Presidential Limosine Knight?

Clark: Whatever.

Kerry: This must be Bush's doing! We must stop him!

[ucantseeme]

Hmm...anyone can post in this story you say....well....

BACK AT BUSH"S OFFICE

(Dick Cheney enters)

BUSH: Where have you been Cheney?? The meeting started an hour ago.

CHENEY: Sorry. I just had another heart attack.

BUSH: What is that, your eleventieth heart attack??

CHENEY: How many times do I have to tell you, it's not eleventieth, it's one hundred and tenth.

BUSH: Oh. Well, Dick (inside Bush's head: he he he. Dick. he he he.) We were just discussing what to do about that Drew Carey.

CHENEY: Don't you mean John Kerry??

BUSH: Oh. Yeah. Have you ever seen that Drew Carey Show?? Good stuff.

CHENEY: Um......yeah. Anyways, I've hired someone to work as a spy for us. Come on in, Tom.

(enter Tom Arnold)

ARNOLD: Hey. Look at me!! I'm Tom Arnold!! I used to be married to an ugly chick!!

BUSH: Hey, you sound like that Arby's oven mitt.

ARNOLD: That's because the voice in the commercials is mine.

BUSH: What??

CHENEY: George, the oven mitt's not real. Haven't we already had this conversation??

BUSH: Oh. Right.

CHENEY: I think that Tom should meet Condeleeza Rice, as they will probably be working together quite often.

BUSH: Alright. Rice, COME!!

(enter Condeleeza Rice)

(Rice and Arnold stare at each other for about 10 seconds)

ARNOLD: Wanna make out?

RICE: ..........okay.

(They make out)

TO BE CONTINUED.....


EDIT: I hadn't realized that you had posted the intro to the second chapter when I was typing this, so it really doesn't make sene when compared to it.

[Fer]

I'll just delete my post and paste it here. Then it'll make sense.

Chapter 2: The Great Offensive (catchy title, isn't it? too bad it has little to do with the actual chapter as far as I can tell...)

Intro: As Kerry and his band of warriors... oops, I meant followers draw ever closer to the election and Washington DC, things only heat up more. Bush seems relentless in his attacks, and Kerry keeps getting confused as to who exactly supports him. He stops in a nameless town in the Midwest to plan out a strategy. But just as he settles in, a ruffled mob of Republicans decide to enter the village...

[Arf]

Someone add Jay Leno as a nuetral country.

[Vivi]

More people might reach this post if you post it in the RPG forum, dont you think? Dont take me wrong, it is really fun, I just think it might get more attention in the other forum.

[CO Raptor]

Schwarzenegger, leader of the Republican ruffians: We've all heard that the knights of Washington are busy with other things, right?
Well, your misfortune is my good luck! I have an announcement to make! As of now, this village is mine! Schwarzenegger is your new liege! Now, bring every last piece of campaign funds, down to the smallest fleck!

A few minutes later, in a forest close to the village:

Dean : Lord Kerry! Co-Commander Ford! I...
Ford : Dean! Calm yourself! A knight must be in control at all times.
Dean : The village is under attack! It's republican bandits!
Ford : What? Republicans? Here!?
Kerry : Are you sure, Dean?
Dean : This girl has more details.
Chelsea Clinton : My lord Kerry? I'm the daughter of the village magistrate. My name's Chelsea. The republicans came without warning. They're stealing everything! I beg you! Please help us!
Kerry : I see. Ford! Dean! We must aid the village!
Dean : Yes, milord!
Kerry : Chelsea, stay here, and keep out of sight.
Chelsea : If it pleases you, milord, I would rather fight. I hunt almost every day, and I have some skill with a bow.
Kerry : Is that so? Very well, but be careful!
Chelsea : Yes, milord.

Note: My knowledge of US politics is somewhat limited, not living over there. I have written this with good intentions. Do not be offended, please

[Shoen]

Okay, I would just like to say that you can post your own versions, but I think that it would be best if there is one cannon version me and Fer do.

[Fer]

Aww, but the fun of improv is improvising over what the other people have changed of the plot!

[Shoen]

Okay, fine.

But I like the plot I had coming along...

v.v

[Gunlord100]

Dude. This thread is my new pagan god of blood and vengeance. Now if only I knew enough about politics to *really* get the humor...I'm so ignorant ;____;

[TheGayThiefLegault]

Back at castle Washington:
George W. Bush- so.. who is our enemy anyways!?
(enter Schwarzenegger)
S- Me! aND I'm backed by the ancient power of Osama!
I'm going to open the Terrorist's Gate and claim the quintessesnce of Saddam Hussein!!
GWB- DEAR GOD! What did I do with my Armadsbomb?!
To be continued...

[Shoen]

I believe this is the slightly more appropriate thing to do in such a situation...

Bush: Who is our enemy anyways?
Schwartzneggar: I am the Terminator! You shall be Terminated by my big buff muscles and thick Austrian accent!
Bush: What the.... You are no match against my army of the United States!
Schwartzneggar: Oh yeah? Well I've got the Cardboard-Copy Machine Army!
*Suddenly cardboard pop-outs of the machines appear.*
Bush: Well I've got Michael Jackson.
Jackson: What's up, you all?
Schwartzneggar: No... not... the... pale... man... of... NEVERLAND!!! *Dies*
Bush: Thank you honey.
Jackson: You're welcome.

[Fer]

Yeah, I ought to add a rule asking not for complete stupidity or wild tangents.